Before: 

In my opinion, the key to maintaining a meaningful friendship or really just any relationship is mutual happiness. Valuable memories that will last a lifetime. Much like Konnikova explained, shared experience is what keeps the relationship so strong. The thought of knowing someone who is going through the same thing is comforting. Laughing about the same thing at different times with someone doesn’t have the same impact as laughing with someone side by side. It’s a bonding experience. If you are raised thinking that virtual interactions are the same as physical interactions it can establish social skill issues. Such as not understanding the significance of hugging loved ones. 

After: 

In my opinion, the key to maintaining a meaningful friendship or really just any relationship is through connections. Without connections such as experiencing things with others it can make it hard to build a bond. When experiencing things together you make valuable memories that will last a lifetime. Similar to what Konnikova explained, shared experiences are what keep the relationship so strong. Sharing with someone helps to feel connected to them. Being able to know someone who can relate to you gives a sense of comfort. Laughing with someone versus laughing about the same thing separately is an entirely different experience. It’s a bonding experience to look at each other and share a smile. If you are raised thinking that virtual interactions are the same as physical interactions it can establish social skill issues. Such as not understanding the significance of hugging loved ones. Or more importantly, not knowing what it’s like to have a good laugh with someone right beside you. 

Improvements: 

I tried not to expand the paragraph too much by going on a ramble. Instead, I went a little more into depth about what I was trying to say. I made my thoughts more clear for the reader. For example, I added in this sentence, “Without connections such as experiencing things with others it can make it hard to build a bond.” to explain the significance of having a shared experience.